Joy

So I just stumbled onto Sarah Markley's challenge to find a hundred joys. I need this challenge right now. This divorce (long, ugly process that it is) is all ups and downs. Right now I'm kinda down, I feel my heart hardening again. So instead of letting myself dwell on all that is hard in my life, cuz it is just hard sometimes, I want to focus on finding joy.  The first one I'm gonna borrow from Sarah.
1) The scripture she shared on the second day warmed my heart. Scripture always does bring me the most joy and peace. It was Psalm 51:8  , Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.  I love the scriptures, and the Psalms are always so beautiful. 


2) is a little more superficial. But I love my new boots and red scarf and red beret.  I just love feeling cute! I wish I had a good camera so I could show you. Maybe I will have my stepmom take a picture this weekend and I will edit it in. 


Here's to finding 98 more joys! 

Painful Nostalgia

I miss the sweet way my ex was affectionate: our MWUAHs, being his baby girl; I know I will find something better. But all I wanted was him. Really truly. But he turned out to not be reliable, not someone I could count on to, spend the rest of my life with. Oh how it hurts sometimes. :( Its getting better, but oh baby I miss our sweet, sweet beginnings....

I Don't Understand

 I've been thinking, as much as I try not to, over the last couple of days about how my ex just gave up.  Marriage is about commitment, but he just didn't try to make it work. I gave it everything; I keep reading about how marriage is bigger than just being together, its a covenant, commitment, and you work at it because part of what you promised was that walking away wasn't an option after making such serious promises. I'm really a little burned now. Trust is gonna come slow next time...I hate this, I hate that I wanted to be married ONCE, and that it didn't last, that it feels like I failed, even though we've both acknowledged I'm not at fault. I hate hurting, I hate reliving it all in my mind. *sigh*

A New Life

So I am on my own again. Currently I'm living with my wonderful mother (moms are truly angels!). I am still trying to believe in happily ever now, it just looks a little different now. I still have so much to be grateful for in my life, and so much to give. I am continually blessed with incredible friends, opportunities to serve, and chances to grow. I am hoping to get a little better at this blogging thing, and using it as a place to share my thoughts and insights, my blessings and joys in life.

Behold God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid; for the Lord JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also has become my salvation. (Isaiah 12:2, 2 Nephi 22:2)

Rejoice!

My husband and I are working things out! I am so thrilled. It is all I have been praying for, and many of my friends as well. Our God is truly a great God, and he does answer our prayers. :D

So to celebrate and strengthen this wonderful endeavor, I am going to participate in Women Living Well's Completing Him Challenge - Be the woman your man needs.

This weeks challenge is simple- announce that I am doing it! I like that- intention is the first step. I am intent on strengthening my marriage- stating my goal makes it more real. I am so glad my husband had a change of heart. I am so proud of him. I even bought a shirt to wear the first time we get to see each other when I fly home from school next week. The shirt is from the Union28 store, and says My Husband Rocks. And he does, for giving our marriage a second chance! Ooh, and a THREE DOLLAR pair of spanking new jeans!

So stay tuned in for how I learn to "complete" my awesome man!

He forgot

So I went back and reread an email from when I was engaged and (ex)hubby was deployed. He was telling the story of our relationship: "I'll never forget that I won, and I will never forgot that Cheerio likes me better, and that I'm cuter... I will never forget a summer spent in a hammock, no ma'am." But he did. He forgot of all this and just moved on. And even if I will be better off and happier with the next guy, this hurts so much!!!!!

...He asked for a divorce...and I just wanna scream. I am doing ok, making plans. But all I want, really, is to FIX THIS. I can't, its out of my control. And that's hard for me.