Live In It

"The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance, but live right in it, under its roof." -Barbara Kingsolver, found via finestquotes.com

I love that. Live right in it! That's exactly what I feel the whole One Word movement is all about, living right in the word we have chosen. My word just happens to be hope, and fits right in the quote above.

 I know that I hope in my Savior, and that I truly want to live in that hope. I want everything I do to find its beginnings in the hope I place in my Savior. I don't want to act out of fear or desperation or anything else but hope: trust and faith in God that he will direct me for good (Alma 37:37). I want to live under hope's roof, to make it my anchor  (Heb. 6:19, Ether 12:4), letting it make me sure and steadfast.  Hope is powerful, my friends.

Linking up with Jen at Finding Heaven. :)

Blizzard Blog Hop 2011

Welcome to Happily Ever Now. This blog is where I express myself and connect with others. My name is Rachel, I am going to be 23 a week from tomorrow.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, in colloquial terms, a Mormon. I believe that I am a child of God, that my Heavenly Father sent Jesus Christ to be my Savior, and that I can return to live with them someday if I am obedient to the laws and principles of the gospel.

I just graduated from Brigham Young University last August with a B.S. in Psychology. I want to work with teenagers after I get my master's degree. (I'm taking my GREs for the first time in a week....its gonna be a practice run, I can just tell..)

 Right now I am living with my mom after separating from my husband, a US Navy sailor. I miss him every day, and hope that maybe we could make our way back to each other. But if not, I'll just plug along and find a new life, new love.

A big focus for my blog this year is One Word 2011. My word is hope, and I am blogging about my journey with this word.

Welcome, new readers, and love to those who already read.

Hope Is

Hope is scary
Hope is hard
Hope is painful

I am learning to hope in the Lord,  but I am also hoping for specific things.  Things I want, and am trying to determine if they are what the Lord wants for me. The hope for these things, events, people, could not come to fruition, and that makes is scary to hope, hard to hope, painful to hope. That's why the core of my hope is in my Savior, and what he has planned for me. Why I pray to see if my hopes are aligned with His plans. But even if they are, I can't control anymore than my own actions, and neither will God. He may plan something, and influence us, guide us. But he can't guide us if we aren't seeking Him. So I hope for something, but know that it may not happen. And that is just terrifying.

 But I know that God will catch me if everything falls through, that his works are not frustrated when people exercise their free agency. He just adapts. And I can trust in that, hope in that. That makes hope beautiful and safe.

Hope is beautiful
Hope is safe

Love Those Movies!

Anyone notice that the E! channel has The Princess Diaries on all the time lately? Not that I mind,  I could watch that movie over and over and never get sick of it. I decided to share a list of movies that I just don't get sick of.
They are in no particular order

• The Princess Diaries
• Legally Blonde (though sometimes, with this one, I have to start with the scene in the bookstore right after the "costume party")
• Mamma Mia
• The Time Traveler's Wife
• Just Like Heaven
• Sweet Home Alabama (seeing a trend? I love Reese Witherspoon)
• Dirty Dancing
• The Princess Bride

These are some of my favorites, though if I really tried I'm sure I could name more. What movie do you never get sick of?

Shattered Heart, Meet Your Healer

Healing is a process, and it doesn't help the process when the door is not completely shut or open. This separation with the intent to divorce feels like a revolving door sometimes, where for a stretch of time,  I will be healing and recovering just fine, and then one little thing will send me shooting back to down to the depths of rejection and hurt. My favorite little moment, to add on to quite a few lately, is my estranged husband using the lame lame line that maybe some people just make better friends than lovers. Twist that knife, sweetheart.

What keeps me going, even when I am in searing pain, is my faith. I know that my God can heal this, will heal this. That when all is said and done, I will be whole because God gave me a Savior. My job is to turn all this hurt over to Him (Matt 11:28-30), to hope in Him (1 Pet 1:18-21). As long as I keep my focus on my Savior, nothing can go permanently wrong (Howard W Hunter, BYU Devotional, 3/14/89, paragraph 9). Pray with me that I can follow my Savior completely and wholly, holding nothing back, that I will listen and obey even if it seems hard or inconvenient.

Mormon Messages: Create

I don't think you need to be Mormon to appreciate this beautiful message. I love what President Uctdorf has to say here, and his strong, steady, grandfatherly voice. I also love the editing of this video, the music and the images add so much.

My favorite quotes: The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul.

Think about it, your spirit body is a masterpiece, created with a beauty, function, and capacity beyond imagination.

Enjoy!

As of Late

I found this on Critty Joy's blog. I love reading this blog. She is such an inspiration to me. And after I found this As of Late meme, the post to go along just started writing itself.

Lately, I have been blogging more and seeking community through bloggi
Lately, I have been chasing hope, with the encouragement of new friends.
Lately, I have been playing with my hair, seeing what different things I can do with it. I am in love with my diffuser.
Lately, I have discovered that I am truly a night owl.
Lately, my life has been one big series of ups and downs. But it is good because of my God.
Lately, I love praying for my friends, seeking God's hand in their lives.
Lately, I have spent a lot of time with best friends before they go back to their regular lives.
Lately, I love haunting YouTube and watching videos of songs that fit my situation. The best I have found is from a BYU animation professor, called Thought of You. So haunting and beautiful.
Lately, I have been finding God's love abounds in my life. I knew it, but love to constantly feel it.

That's a pretty good summary. Thanks, Critty Joy, for this wonderful idea.

Hope Maketh Not Ashamed

I have been chasing after hope, as Alece phrased it in one of my comments. I seek it constantly and focus my scripture study around it, and get excited when I see a post about hope on other websites. The scripture I'm posting about tonight I found via Fresh Brew, the blog for a neat website, Ungrind. Their topic for the month is hope. :) I love finding extra inspiration like that.

The scripture my title comes from is Romans 15:5 (Fresh Brew actually references 15:15, but I found more personal meaning in verse 5).  And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is spread abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. The hope here is the result of experience, which is the result of patience, which is the result of tribulation. Through tribulation, we can find hope. Hope in God, and when our hope is in God we are not ashamed, but filled with love. What a wonderful way to live. Much better than letting the tribulations squash us, as maybe I'm tempted to let happen sometimes. But I realized tonight that I am feeling more hopeful lately, I am looking to the future with my hope securely attached to God and His plan for my life. Yeah, my life isn't perfect, or what I expected, wanted, but God is there, and as long as I hope in Him, my future is exceedingly bright.

How does hope make your life better?

11:11

11:11 - make a wish!

Whew, I have a lot of wishes. I wish the house could clean itself, the laundry as well. My bedroom is such a minefield, and the kitchen holds a sinkful of dishes just waiting for me. It also holds my brother's butterscotch chip cookies (chocolate chip cookie recipe with the butterscotch subsitute). They are yummy.

I also wish that I was either with my husband or completely free of him. Yup, neither's happening anytime soon. In fact, he just asked if we could possibly file taxes jointly, and before that if we could be friends. I want to hit his head against a soft wall (I'm only part violent...) My heart can't take much more of his antics.

A few days ago I would wish I had a job. But I think I have a short term one starting in February that sounds like a perfect fit. I really hope I get it. Its one of  those jobs that just feels heaven-sent, and reminds me that God knows his children and places us in each other's lives for a reason.

This post was a free write based on reading the clock. It was fun to just let the words flow.

What would you wish?

What I Wore Wednesday

I am linking up to the Pleated Poppy's What I Wore Wednesday. Now, she does the whole week. I'm just doing Wednesday, because its simpler, and the only camera I have is my cell phone. We see how well that turned out.

The blue dress is from Kohls's, the cute heels from Payless, the headband (the flower's center has pearl beads :) ), and the pearl earrings from New York and Company. All but the heels were things I bought with Christmas money.

Usually I don't wear a dress on Wednesday, but today I had the opportunity to visit the Washington, D.C. temple (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) with my friends because it is ward temple day, stake temple week. (Wards and stakes are the geographical breakdown of congregations and groups of congregations. To learn more about that, visit Mormon.org.) It was a great day.

My Heart Aches

I was a Navy wife for less than 2 years, a Navy fiancée before that, and a Navy girlfriend since 2007. I loved that role. I loved the support I gave my sailor, the unique lifestyle and challenges. I was up to it; my sailor didn't want me anymore.  I read blogs by military wives and my heart just aches to have that lifestyle back. I want to a military wife, I want to support my country and my love that way, but that just does not seem to be my path anymore. I will ever be grateful for the short time that it was, though, because of the true empathy it gives me to share with those who are still with their wonderful military men, especially my close friend whose husband just left on deployment for a year.  I just wish I still had it, too (even when I feel that I am where I'm supposed to be).

Five Fun Facts

Here are 5 fun facts about me:

1. I am totally and completely addicted to books. My friends even tested this last Friday, if there is a book lying around, I pick it up and read the back. I used to wish the security guards would keep me out of the library during finals.

2. I love music. I listen to it constantly.

3. I am a Gilmore Girls addict. I love that show with their fast wit and the mother-daughter relationship.

4. My dream job in life is to work with teenagers, to inspire them to be all they can be.

5. I have zero luck when it comes to electronics, I have killed countless phones, almost 3 iPods,  2 laptops...its bad. We call it my curse.

That's a little bit more about me, and how crazy I am. Feel free to share a fun fact or two about yourself in the comments. I would love to get to know any readers I have a little bit better.

Struggling to Find My Way to Coherent

I have been trying for a couple of days now to write a coherent post to share all that is going through my mind. I wanted to write a post to introduce myself a little more. I wanted to explain why I chose hope. I wanted to share the way my divorce pulls my heart into a thousand pieces time and time and time again. Yet I cannot string together a decent post no matter how hard I try. And I usually am pretty good at writing.

To introduce myself, I will say that I like to be honest about my struggles, about my life. My name is Rachel, I am almost 23 years old. I am the oldest of 7, counting my 3 biological siblings and my 3 step-siblings and me. I have three great parents, my mom, my dad, and my step-mom. My parents divorced when I was about 15, and now a little less than 10 years later, I am going through my own divorce. If I had the chance to write a letter to me at 13, I wouldn't. At least not until I have some more positive stuff to say. Oh hey, hon, your parents are about to divorce, and in 10 years, you'll be going through your own. Oh, and you did graduate from college. Yeah, that is not a big enough achievement to overshadow all the negative, not to a 13-year-old at least, who can barely breathe through all the new hormones in her system.

So, that's why I chose hope, because I have to have hope that my life will get better, or I might just go crazy. I do have a wonderful family, and I do love my dad's new family, I am basically recovered from my parents divorce; I have Christ in my life through my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints; I am a college grad. I have a lot going for me, and I don't forget that. But the pain of a divorce is monumental, and overwhelming some days.  But I do truly have hope that my afflictions shall be but a small moment (Doctrine and Covenants 121:7)

Was this maybe too honest, too raw? You tell me. Tomorrow, I'll post 5 fun facts about me to lighten the mood.

My Feelings towards the US Military (a reflection I wanted to share)

I was (still sort of am) a Navy wife. It was an honor to me. I loved supporting our military in that way. I am so proud of the men and women who serve our country in Navy, Army, Air Force, Marine Corps, and the Coast Guard. I am very aware of the sacrifices they and their families make to keep our nation safe and am so so so grateful for their service. 

I am especially proud of my little sister, who will be commissioned as an Army officer in about a year and a half. She still hasn’t decided whether or not she’ll be going the route of active duty, but regardless of the path she takes, it’s a wonderful thing she’s doing.  And yet, I’ll still always hold the Navy a little higher in my esteem than the Army, or any other branch. I got closer to the workings of the Navy, I guess.  

To wrap this post up in one sentence, I still get choked up thinking about the men and women serving in our military and all they do for us at the cost of time with their families and what we consider a normal life. That normal life that we owe to their sacrifices.  Thank you. 

Defining

I am truly inspired by how much of a community One Word 2011 has become.  Honestly, I just like linking up for the connection it gives me to other bloggers, and hey, I get more hits on my blog. I realize, though, I read through my comments, that people are now looking to me for what I have to say about hope. It’s like having an accountability partner, and I like that. I like that I am being held to the commitment to embrace this theme of hope in my life. Beause living with hope sounds like a wonderful idea. Especially if my hope is anchored in my Savior.

So I decided to look up some definitions for the word hope. I went to dictionary.com and found this:

–noun

1.the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that eventswill turn out for the best: to give up hope.

2.a particular instance of this feeling: the hope of winning.

3.grounds for this feeling in a particular instance: There is littleor no hope of his recovery.

4.a person or thing in which expectations are centered: Themedicine was her last hope.

5.something that is hoped for: Her forgiveness is my constanthope.

–verb (used with object)

6.to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.

7.to believe, desire, or trust: I hope that my work will besatisfactory.

–verb (used without object)

8.to feel that something desired may happen: We hope for anearly spring.

9.Archaic . to place trust; rely (usually fol. by in ).

I really like 4, 6, and 9. These are definitions of a more solid hope, the kind of hope I want to have. Trust in God, with a more than reasonable confidence that I can rely on Him. I have always believed that I am strong in my faith and commitment to God, but feel that really learning to center my hope in Him this year, I will draw even closer to him than before. 

US Postal Service - Creepy Clown Doll Commercial - HD

I already posted today, but I have to share this commercial. It makes me laugh every time. Oh, yeah, that's gotta go!

Something New

Something new in 2011. The challenge to share what kind of newness I have planned comes from one of my favorite inspirational blogs, (in)courage. Well, I'll be honest. I don't know what's in store for me.  I'm feeling kinda lost right now. 2010 was a rather hard year, what with the end of my marriage...well part of me still hopes my marriage is salvageable, but most of me knows it's not...Excuse the ramble. Suffice to say, I am really floundering, jobless, soon-to-be divorced, and a little purposeless.

But hey, I graduated from college last year, so that was good, a big achievement! I have a BS in Psychology, and I think one new thing I will do this year is to get certified as a psychiatric technician. That will open all sorts of new doors for me as I hunt for a job. Other new things: well I hope to have a car very soon, my first car. That will be new and exciting.

But no real focus yet. I am looking hard for focus, praying hard that God has something marvelous and new in store that I just can't see yet. I look forward to whatever newness 2011 will bring with my hope firmly centered in my Savior. Bring on the new!

Hope

A lot of bloggers are choosing one word for 2011. I have to say one word is easier and less intimidating than making several resolutions. With one word, you can apply it to all things without straining to define goals so exactly.

I have chosen the word HOPE. Hope for a better future. Hope in God's promises.  We hope all things...we hope to be able to endure all things (Article of Faith 13).  Being hopeful and looking to the future instead of being downcast about all that may have gone wrong last year.

To me, hope is not just a wishy-washy word: "Oh, I hope so" Hope is a strong word, like faith: I hope in God for a better life, a better year.

I picked this word before the New Year, I just hadn't taken the time to blog about it yet. And now as I reflect on some things that have happened in the short 7 days since the year began, it is a very apt word for me to have chosen. It fits oh so well.  Hope. Hope that things will work out for good.  Here's to a hope-filled 2011.

Hurting Again

I hate that I fall into the divorced category. I hate it so much. I feel marked, even though I know its not my fault, that it wasn't my choice. I remind myself of something one of my friends said a few weeks back, that in the end, this won't matter, it won't be what I'm remembered as, that when I'm happily married again, no one will think of me as divorced.

I was reflecting on all this, and how my divorce does not affect my self-worth when I remembered something an older relative said to me at a family reunion several years ago. He told me that I am loved, wanted, and needed. That hasn't changed. I've got to remember that, remember that I am a beloved daughter of God, whose worth is infinite. It's just a little hard sometimes.