It's Not All About Me!

I am in a very self-centered period of my life. Young, no children, getting a divorce...sometimes I forget that I am not the only one with struggles, that not everything someone does is a reflection on me. I am convicted by this feeling over and over.

I need to get outside of myself so much more. I need to serve more, give more of myself to others. I need to do more than remember that I need to do this, more than just say I am going to serve. I need to do it.  I can begin by praying that God will show me who I can serve. By looking around me and really seeing others. This is my challenge for this week, to really see others, to see them as God sees them, and love them as He loves them.  (And I'll keep doing it after this week is over, I just need to get started)

If there is anything I can do for you, even if its just a simple prayer, let me know.

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I Refuse to Be Numb

Some days I feel completely numb. Nothing reaches me, and my heart feels cold.  And I hate it. And so I pray that I will feel something, everything. Pain comes first, joy will come later. 

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I have to feel the pain to get past it. If I just seal up my heart, nothing will get in. Not joy, not spiritual promptings, not the love of God. And so I let the pain in, and ask for God to heal me. To stand against the pain for me (Psalms 94:16-17). For He is my Healer, my Savior; with His stripes I am healed (Isaiah 53:5). As He heals the pain, He shows me what love really looks like. God is love. I feel the pain, but I feel hope, too. And know that joy is coming, just like Josh Wilson's song, Before the Morning, reminds us. 

 

So thanks to all my lovely Soli sisters and other readers who pray for me. My prayers are with you.

Vision in My Head

I am finally getting a car this weekend. It is a gift from my dad, and I spent less than $1000 getting it running. A great great blessing. I can't wait to get it and have the freedom of driving.

And right now I cannot get the image out of my head of packing up that little car full of all my stuff and driving away. Going somewhere brand new and finding myself. (Too bad it is not a hatchback, cuz I'll have to leave my little blue armchair...)

But where would I go? And with what money? And so it remains just a dream.

Accepting the Challenge to be Positive

Just when I was ready to be negative for a while, God created a little miracle. Three, count them three!, of the blogs I read regularly had posts on being positive yesterday. The first from the inspiring Gitz: life. The second from adorable Amanda: The Pollyanna Project. And the third from my dear friend, Kristin: Happy, Table for 2.

All three focused on shifting perspective. Stop focusing on the negative, on what we don't have, and look at what  we do have, what God has blessed us with, and how He sees our lives. This was a much needed paradigm shift for me. I have accepted Amanda's Pollyanna challenge: to choose positivity, to choose love, to choose to smile. I  have taken to heart Gitz's advice to open my eye's to God's perspective- the eternal one that is so much grander than this small view we have now.  I have chosen, like Kristin, to see the happy coming up, to have faith.

I am so grateful for these dear girls and how they helped me look beyond whatever unhappiness or toughness may face me currently, and reach for the hope that God so graciously holds out for me. I choose to hope in my God, who will strengthen my heart (Psalms 31:24).

Who inspires you?

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As of Late March

Joining up with Critty Joy again for this monthly meme.

Lately, I have fallen away from the bloggy world a little.

Lately, I have been spending lots of time with great friends.

Lately, I have been struggling with old emotions resurfacing.

Lately, I have conquered an old temptation. Hurrah!

Lately, I have whined and in the process said too much, and now need to do some damage control.  

Lately, my car has been getting some work done, it is ready! I just need to get it legal to drive on roads!

Lately, I have loved working in the nursery at church.


A short, honest post. Enjoy!

Singing Truth

I love the hymn How Firm A Foundation. Especially the third verse that so heavily pulls from Isaiah 41:10:

Fear not I am with thee, oh be not dismayed.

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.

I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee stand. 

Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand. 

This verse helps me to remember the verse and the truth it speaks. I will not be dismayed for my God is ever with me!

Raw

It has been a crazy week, and I just haven't felt like posting.  But I'll try to now.

It's been a pretty up and down week. There have been times where I have been in a good mood- like after watching Morning Glory, a movie I definitely recommend (DISCLAIMER: this movie had a lot of bad language, so please be aware of that), or watching the little ones play in nursery at church - they are so sweet, or being with my wonderful friends who just pour their love on me.

But right now I just feel like something is pulling me into a black hole, and I'm trying to fight it. My job is hard, harder than I thought it would be. My marriage keeps sucking me back in and spitting me out again.  My heart feels so heavy and I want to be free- from what I'm really not sure.

I think I'm gonna go bury my heart in scripture, find God's tender mercies and compassion that are new everyday. (1 Ne 1:20, Lamentations 3:22-23)

Linking up with my sisters at SDG  :)

My Favorite Pasttime

I love to read. Really truly love it. I love the stories, I love being transported to different places (to familiar places when rereading favorites), the way I just get wholly absorbed in a book. There is little better than enjoying a good book.

found @ we heart it

Some of my all time favorite authors include Madeline L'Engle, Louisa May Alcott, L.M. Montgomery, and J.K. Rowling. Ooh, and Nicholas Sparks is good, too. I also love the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants quartet, Chronicles of Narnia, Trixie Belden (three cheers if you remember or have heard of this series!), and, inexplicably, One of Those Hideous Books Where the Mother Dies by Sonya Sones. It's a cute little book written in verse that I can just read over and over.

found @ we heart it

A book I read a little while back and just recommended to a friend today was There's No Place Like Here by Cecilia Ahern. The book is a fun flight of fancy where a girl who is obsessed with not losing things ends up in the place where lost people and things end up. Very good!

found @ we heart it

Anyone else who just loves to read?

Finding Healing

Lately, I have been feeling ready to engage in real life, free to move past my painful divorce-to-come. But the pain of the betrayal, the failed marriage, that still lingers. Haunts me really. It keeps me up late at night, because rather than feel miserable when I fall asleep, I read until I've chased the pain away.

I also pray that I will be strengthened through the Lord, to forgive, to find healing. I know that, in the end, running from the pain will not bring healing. Only in handing it all to my Savior will I find true healing, and it will be in His time. (That's the hard part). I must pray to find strength and healing, not for the pain to be removed. For there is a difference.

Praying for courage to face the pain, to find thorough healing.

Linking up with my dear sisters at Jen's.

One Year Ago

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I posted just the once last March. My whole world was turning upside down. And now I can't believe its been a whole year. And what a year! We almost fixed our marriage a few times, but now I know that it is finally over. My heart is completely broken, but I'm getting stronger every day.

I am learning how to stand on my own two feet again, after being part of a couple, even if it was extremely dysfunctional by the end. I am learning to be my own person again, to be my own hero. I am building a new life...because it's not the same life I had before, while I was married, or even before I got married. This is a brand-new chapter. I thought I still knew myself, but I didn't. But I am getting to know me again. And I know I am going to be ok.

I am leaning on God daily, thanking him for the days I feel strong and independent. He got me through the days when I couldn't stand on my own feet, and so I thank him for the fact that I can now. I really believe he wants me to know I am strong, and I can do it, with Him standing right behind me.

Last year I got advice to start exercising, and I did for a while. This past week I have been exercising twice a day, and it is really making me feel strong and happy.  It is such a positive addition to my routine.

This has been a year full of ups and downs, and major life changes. I'm finally free now to move on and rebuild. I didn't want this divorce, but I have finally accepted it, and that is freeing me to grow into my new life.

Strengthen Your Heart

Be of good courage, and he will strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord. (Psalm 31:24)

As my one word for the year, hope has been very real to me already this year. I have hoped for things that already have not panned out. But I know that my hope in God will always always be fulfilled.

As I have walked in the ways He has asked me to, God has been there with me every step of the way. He is filling me even now with new hope for a brighter future. My heart has indeed been strengthened and renewed. I can look forward now and really see the brightness the future has in store. I wake up happy, and have fallen asleep happy. Some nights, I still fight the tears, and sometimes, it feels a little odd to be happy...but I think God understands that too.

Found @ We Heart It

My hope is ever in the Lord because He is ever faithful, ever the same. It is a beautiful thing to know that even if everything else were to fall apart, I would still have a safe place to fall. He is showing me that safe place now, filling me with a new hope for a new future. Blessed be His Name.

Humbled

I want to thank the Academy....No really, thank you, Cole for awarding me this. This is such a neat honor. I started blogging as a way to express myself and maybe find community. That what I had to say would touch others, that is a wonderful bonus.

The rules accompanying this awesome award are as follows:

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1. Thank and link back to the blogger who gave you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 8 recently discovered great bloggers.
4. Contact the bloggers and let them know about the award.


7 new facts about me:
1. I'm not a huge fan of rollercoasters, but I loved Space Mountain..
2. And I loved Disneyland; I can't wait to visit Disney World someday.
3. Because I truly believe that you don't ever have to outgrow Disney.
4. My favorite Disney Princess is Sleeping Beauty- in the blue version of her dress.
5 Even though my favorite color is pink.
6. My favorite Disney non-princess movie is Lilo and Stitch
7. And my favorite Pixar is Monsters, Inc. "Scary monsters don't have plaque.

found @we heart it

(Linking all the the facts together like that was a blast!!!)

 Now on to the new recipients of this award:

Kari

Amanda

Joyful Jones

Amy

Jen

Jen

Surviving a Two Year Old

Stephanie

Congrats to these lovely ladies. XOXO