Not My Favorite Holiday Plus Some Extra Love for SDG Sisters

This day last year my whole world got turned upside down. I had a good cry over that this morning. So lets just say I really don't like Valentine's Day right now. But I had a pretty good day regardless. I just sometimes wish I could rewrite last year, at least parts of it. I've learned lessons and grown a lot, but did I really have to do it the hard way? Watching my marriage go through the blender? NOT FUN. *lump growing in my throat*

I also want to say just how much I love being a part of the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood. It's a been a real blessing, receiving and giving love. I really look forward to Mondays/Tuesdays because of you ladies. So here's wishing you all a wonderful Valentine's Day with all my love.

Screaming

I feel like I am at this crossroads in my life, and I don't know what to do. I really really don't. And it makes me crazy. I hate not knowing what to do. Even praying doesn't really seem to yield an answer right now. And I know that's because God works in his own time frame. But I'm not good at patient. I want the answer right now, so I can plan for it. I know that's not how faith works. But I want it to this time.

 I am literally screaming I am so so frustrated with this confusion. I guess what I need to pray for is patience that the answer will come, not think of it as a race against time.

I wrote all that this morning, in a tense frenzy. It's still all true. I just am calmer. I know that God is in control, and if I just stay close to Him, and follow the promptings I receive,  I will be ok. It's still scary, though. And frustrating. I just have to remember not to act based on my fear or my frustration, but out of faith in God, and in my own judgement, as I pray and pray and pray for direction and strength.

Live In It

"The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance, but live right in it, under its roof." -Barbara Kingsolver, found via finestquotes.com

I love that. Live right in it! That's exactly what I feel the whole One Word movement is all about, living right in the word we have chosen. My word just happens to be hope, and fits right in the quote above.

 I know that I hope in my Savior, and that I truly want to live in that hope. I want everything I do to find its beginnings in the hope I place in my Savior. I don't want to act out of fear or desperation or anything else but hope: trust and faith in God that he will direct me for good (Alma 37:37). I want to live under hope's roof, to make it my anchor  (Heb. 6:19, Ether 12:4), letting it make me sure and steadfast.  Hope is powerful, my friends.

Linking up with Jen at Finding Heaven. :)

Shattered Heart, Meet Your Healer

Healing is a process, and it doesn't help the process when the door is not completely shut or open. This separation with the intent to divorce feels like a revolving door sometimes, where for a stretch of time,  I will be healing and recovering just fine, and then one little thing will send me shooting back to down to the depths of rejection and hurt. My favorite little moment, to add on to quite a few lately, is my estranged husband using the lame lame line that maybe some people just make better friends than lovers. Twist that knife, sweetheart.

What keeps me going, even when I am in searing pain, is my faith. I know that my God can heal this, will heal this. That when all is said and done, I will be whole because God gave me a Savior. My job is to turn all this hurt over to Him (Matt 11:28-30), to hope in Him (1 Pet 1:18-21). As long as I keep my focus on my Savior, nothing can go permanently wrong (Howard W Hunter, BYU Devotional, 3/14/89, paragraph 9). Pray with me that I can follow my Savior completely and wholly, holding nothing back, that I will listen and obey even if it seems hard or inconvenient.