Not My Favorite Holiday Plus Some Extra Love for SDG Sisters

This day last year my whole world got turned upside down. I had a good cry over that this morning. So lets just say I really don't like Valentine's Day right now. But I had a pretty good day regardless. I just sometimes wish I could rewrite last year, at least parts of it. I've learned lessons and grown a lot, but did I really have to do it the hard way? Watching my marriage go through the blender? NOT FUN. *lump growing in my throat*

I also want to say just how much I love being a part of the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood. It's a been a real blessing, receiving and giving love. I really look forward to Mondays/Tuesdays because of you ladies. So here's wishing you all a wonderful Valentine's Day with all my love.

Money Back College

This is so apropos to my life right now. I mean I do have a job right now, but it is short term. Financial security is a big concern of mine...

LOL

Sometimes, I feel like I talk about nothing but sad or frustrating stuff. But I do smile, and  I do laugh, I promise. Sometimes I laugh hard. Like when I'm watching Phineas and Ferb (best cartoon eva!) or reading damnyouautocorrect.com (acutally,sometimes this site makes me laugh so hard I get tears in my eyes), or reading other bloggers's posts.

My favorite line from Phineas and Ferb this week was when Vanessa Doofenshmirtz sassed her dad, and Doofenshmirtz (the evil scientist the boys' playtpus fights) replies "I am your daughter, I will stop being sarcastic and untie you".  He was tied up by Perry the Platypus with his own pants! Love that show!!!!!

I made these on disney.com, the last one came out perfect!

Fear of Revolving Doors

This past year (from February to February) has been very confusing for me. I have chosen different directions over and over. Ok, let's try this way. Oh, nope, I'm gonna close that door again. Whoa, it opened itself again.  When I describe it to my friends, I say that the door is a revolving one, that keeps spinning on me. Maybe its one of those automated revolving doors.



What is amusing about all this is that I am afraid of actual revolving doors, ever since one threw me because my friend went through it super fast. So now my life has come to resemble something I am afraid of. Also, who likes not knowing where they're going. Not me! I only hope and pray that eventually the door stops spinning. Meanwhile, I'll just do the best to honor God where I'm at.

Screaming

I feel like I am at this crossroads in my life, and I don't know what to do. I really really don't. And it makes me crazy. I hate not knowing what to do. Even praying doesn't really seem to yield an answer right now. And I know that's because God works in his own time frame. But I'm not good at patient. I want the answer right now, so I can plan for it. I know that's not how faith works. But I want it to this time.

 I am literally screaming I am so so frustrated with this confusion. I guess what I need to pray for is patience that the answer will come, not think of it as a race against time.

I wrote all that this morning, in a tense frenzy. It's still all true. I just am calmer. I know that God is in control, and if I just stay close to Him, and follow the promptings I receive,  I will be ok. It's still scary, though. And frustrating. I just have to remember not to act based on my fear or my frustration, but out of faith in God, and in my own judgement, as I pray and pray and pray for direction and strength.

Beauty

Last night I was in kind of a funk. At one point, I found myself in front of a mirror, after using the restroom. I was washing my hands and looked up at the mirror and started to pick out all of the flaws I saw. My hair was falling out of its braid, I looked tired, my pores were huge from eyebrow plucking. But then I realized what I was doing, and stopped. I smiled at myself and imagined there was a Operation Beautiful note posted on that mirror. One that said something like "Smile, you are beautiful". It made a big difference in the way I saw myself, and in my mood.

It surprised me that I had even started to pick out my "flaws". I'm not usually hyper-critical about my appearance. I enjoy wearing make-up, doing my hair, and picking out a cute outfit, but I know that my self-worth does not even come close to relying on my appearance. I'll put the self-criticism down to the fact that I was a little over-tired, and in a funk. I am so glad I could remember the messages from Operation Beautiful's blog, and pull myself away from the self-critical, damaging thoughts. I think that site is a great reminder that all women, all people, need to be less self-critical.

I also like the movement Own Your Beauty, that challenges us to accept ourselves for who we are. It doesn't mean we can't be better, but it does mean we shouldn't allow ourselves to be our own harshest critics. These are great lessons to remember, and apply to other areas in our lives outside of physical appearance, like in fulfilling our responsibilities, our dreams. We must reach towards our dreams, fulfill our responsibilities, but we should not expect ourselves to do better than our very best, which I think sometimes we do. or at least I do.

(cheesing with my roommate freshman year)

How do you remember to be true to yourself and not be your own harshest critic?

Tagged!

So my fellow blogger, Michelle, just tagged me. I now get to share 15 interesting facts about myself with you.  Hmmm....

Fact 1:  I cannot keep a manicure nice for more than a day or two. I just can't.

Fact 2:  I love watching BYU football.

Fact 3: I make awesome chocolate chip cookies. I love baking.

Fact 4: I didn't get my driver's licence until I was 22.

Fact 5:  I am totally a cat person, but think dogs are pretty cool too.

Fact 6: I am really truly stubborn. Sometimes, I forget that, and don't act it. But I am.

Fact 7: I love to dance, even if its just in my bedroom.

Fact 8:  Sometimes, I am a real ditz, very true to my blonde hair.

Fact 9:  I have different modes I switch into- my efficency mode (when I take charge of a task or situation), my psychology brain (when I see or encounter interesting human behavior and all I learned in college kicks in), and then there's just me.

Fact 10:  I run cold. I don't like cold.

Fact 11: I had a foot surgery this past June to reduce a bunion; now I can wear the shoes I want to with wayyyy less pain than before.

Fact 12: Sometimes, I whine way too much

Fact 13: I love kids, and for the most part, they love me too.

Fact 14: I love crime dramas like Bones, NCIS, and Criminal Minds. Oh, and crime comedies too. Go Psych!

Fact 15:  I am jealous of my little sister because she will graduate with a guaranteed career, and I just have no clue what I am gonna do with the rest of my life.

Wow, that was a little hard, because I've already shared stuff about me in other posts. But it was fun. Hope you actually find these facts interesting.

And, Jordan, Amanda, Jen, Kari, and Cole, you're IT!