Blogging Grab Bag

So I am just not as good at blogging as I was last year this time. I miss it a lot. I know it helped me sort things out. So tonight I am just gonna skip around in my thoughts a little.

-One thought that came to mind lately is will I know how to be in a "civilian" relationship after being in a military one? What will I do with a significant other who's always around?? LOL

-FEARLESS. Such a big word, and I've neglected it a little. I still just love it. I love especially the thought from Isaiah 12: 2 "I will trust, and not be afraid" Fearlessness is rooted in trusting God to handle it.

-PMS. I've become aware of a violent mood swing a few days before my time of the month comes. I love knowing why I'm suddenly angry or suddenly sobbing. It's healthy to be so self-aware, as my mom said.

-Spanish. I am serving in a Spanish ward (congregation) and I love it. I love learning the language a little more, and I LOVE the people. They are so wonderful. I work with the young women, and they are such beautiful girls.

Feels good to type out my thoughts again. :)

One Word 2012: Fearless

A woman of faith is fearless.- Margaret D. Nadauld (A Woman of Faith, LDS General Conference, Oct. 2002)

My word for 2012 is FEARLESS.  As Paul wrote to Timothy in 2 Timothy 1:7  "For God hath not given us the the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind". When we have faith in God, we have nothing to fear!

My marriage was brief and rocky, and I often doubted my husband's love and his devotion to me. Then the divorce shattered my world. All this left me with a huge fear of rejection and of being unlovable. God showed me in 2011 that there is always hope. This year, I feel He wants me to learn to fly! I have nothing to fear: I am the spirit daughter of the Most High, beloved by Him!

In 2012, my focus will be strengthening my faith and trust in my Father as He shows me what it is like to be fearless again. I will fearlessly do and teach right. I will walk fearlessly into the bright future He has prepared for me. All this I do because God is for me, who then can be against me? (Romans 8:31)

Found at weheartit

Linking up with Jen at SDG.

Found

Found...one old poem of mine that I'm going to share here. I think I must have written it in high school, probably freshman year....

heaven help us
losing ground
not without a fuss
where is my peace found

ever looking upward
feeling scared and lost
ever looking forward
sick of being tossed.

I wish I remembered the exact context, what I was feeling when I wrote this. If I had to guess, it was a mix of my parents' divorce and trying to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin.

As of Late December

I actually have a few spare moments so here I blog! I'm gonna join Critty Joy's monthly As of Late party tonight, I've missed it quite a few times.



Lately, I have been working hard...or not so hard really. I just had the "I'm sorry I haven't been giving my best, but I plan to" conversation with my boss. It's a pretty humbling conversation.

Lately, I have been called to work with the Young Women in my ward (congregation). There are eight of them, and I love them so much. We have done great service-oriented activities for Christmas.

Lately, the happy bookaholic discovered how to get library books on her Droid. Seriously dangerous, friends.

Lately, I've been hanging around with friends who inspire me to be better, because they are so good to me and others.

Lately, my church scripture class, Institute, we call it, has really been inspiring me to be true to the best within me.

Lately, I got training to do business travel :) It would only be 2 trips a year, if that, but still neat!

Lately, life is pretty good!

Merry Christmas to all! May the peace of the season be unto you and yours!

Stupid Facebook Games

I waste a lot of time on Facebook, playing silly games where you run out of energy. If I run out of energy in one game, I switch to another game where I do have energy. Eventually I run out of energy in all the games, which leaves me frustrated. I have to laugh at myself for getting frustrated, because they are just games. And what a colossal waste of my time they can be. Sometimes they help me decompress after work, but I definitely play them to excess.

I can think of much better uses of my time: reading my scriptures, reading a good book, even blogging. Because blogging at least is an excercise in writing, something I definitely want to do more of. I haven't been writing enough lately. I used to write constantly in high school. I'd write stories, write in my journal. I don't even know where my journal is right now. Sad, huh?

I got a new notebook at work today. It is a cute little notebook and I'd much rather fill it with stories then use it for work. But alas, it is a work notebook, but I did do a little creative writing on the first page. :)

I do love typing out words. Maybe every so often instead of playing too many foolish Facebook games, I will come over and write a blog post. Until next time!

Beautiful Breeze

Lying in bed sick all day gets old after a while. Hot, too. So I popped out of bed, opened the window, and sat in the chair beneath the open window. This lovely fall breeze is wafting across my shoulders and bringing in wonderful fall smells, including the woodfire someone just lit. Mmm.


I was sitting here reading a beautiful address from one of my church leaders, Forget Me Not from President Dieter F. Uctdorf ( Ensign, Nov. 2011). He makes five beautiful points:  1) Forget not to be patient with yourself, 2) Forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice, 3) Forget not to be happy now, 4) Forget not the "why" of the gospel, and 5) Forget not that the Lord loves you.


Tonight I especially needed the reminder to forget not to be patient with myself. I make the same mistake over and over again sometimes, and it wonderful to be reminded that the Lord does not expect me to be perfect right now,but that it is a process that He is helping me with.

As I was reading and feeling the soft breeze on my arms, I hear a whisper, " My love is in the wind".  My loving Heavenly Father reminded me this weekend that when I am following Him, I am home. How I crave the feeling of being home, and since the divorce I have felt often that I don't have a home, at least not one of my own making. His kind, gentle reminder that home is with Him was, and is, so marvelous.

Countdowns

In long distance relationships, countdowns are big. I remember counting down the days until I'd see my love again, sometimes starting at a number as big as 7 months. It was always so sweet to see him again after long long waits. 

Now I'm facing a very different countdown. I have been counting down to our divorce date. 6 sleeps, 5 days. It is so very bittersweet. I hate that it went this way, that it had to end. But have to end it did. He just wasted every chance I gave him, about 4 in all. A very valiant effort, as my cousin said lately. And now it's over. And I will be glad to be free to move on with my life. 

Oh, beautiful boy, how we crashed and burned. Love you, still, but you can't have my heart anymore... And sometimes, I think I'm in love only with who I thought he was...but no, I loved him, faults and all. 

Here comes goodbye, and hello to the rest of my life.