Mourning Period?

I keep seeing the idea floated around that it takes half the duration of a relationship to heal from it. I don't know if I like that. That would be a year and half, at least, to heal from my 3 year or so relationship. That just seems so long!

I feel better some days, but then I see a brief email from my ex and I lose it. How did our beautiful romance break down into absolute nothingness? It kills me!! I hate hurting, and just want to be done. I want to be able to say I have moved on.

 But I guess it doesn't work quite that way, huh?

The Story of Us by Taylor Swift does a good job of expressing how I feel sometimes. How it started so beautifully and broke down to tragedy...

Live More Intentionally

I keep doing these long disappearing acts. This time there are two reasons. One, my laptop up and died on me. Sadness! Luckily my aunt doesn't really use hers, so I am borrowing it until I can afford to buy a new one. Which leads me to reason number two: the start date of my job was delayed and I have been living very much minute to minute in the meanwhile. 

I've just been floating around: reading, playing Facebook games, and doing the occasional babysitting job. I spend time with my fun roommates and watch TV series on DVD. I went sailing this past weekend with friends and family, it was an incredible day. That felt a little more intentional because I'd been looking forward to it for months. Other than that my days are spent very aimlessly.

And it is beginning to drive me crazy. I want to live much more intentionally. I want to have a bit more purpose. I have tried exercising every day, and suceeded once. But someone sleeps on the couch in the room with the ellipitical and sleeps until like 1 pm. It makes it hard to exercise first thing. But I talked to my aunt (who doubles as my landlady) and we are doing some rearranging so that won't be a problem.

And then work starts next week, and I have a ton of activities after work next week as well. That will be the biggest help. And for tonight, I am gonna go play frisbee with some young single adults in my area. That should be fun!

Thanks for putting up with my rambling. Hopefully part of living more intentionally will be getting back into this blogging thing, cuz I miss it!

Happy Wednesday, y'all!

A Little Like Flying

Today's FB status: "Rachy" finally feels like everything is going right. I am so happy and so ready to start a new chapter in my life on a clean slate.


I am just feeling good. I have moved a hour or so north to be closer to the job that I start this week. I moved up here just in time for the opening social for the church class up here (love when timing works out that well!). Plus the area I'm living in is chock full of cool places to explore. And I'm just feeling lighter. 


I will try to be more regular about blogging. I know I've kinda fallen off the wagon. But I'm back (I hope).

Love to my SDG sisters on this beautiful Monday!

Hurting Still

I'm so ready to be done hurting. I am so ready to be able to breathe freely again. But I know that all things happen in God's timing, not mine. I know what it feels like when God lifts a burden, and trust that he will lift this one, but it can't come soon enough.

I still love my ex very much, and wish he weren't so broken. I wish we could fix this, but know we can't. I know that something very good will come out of all this, that no experience is wasted. But does it have to hurt so so much?

I just HURT!

Linking up with Jen.

Sunday Will Come

A beautiful Easter message given in a soothing tone. You are missed, Elder Wirthlin. Thank you for the reminder that Sunday will always come!

Talking It Out

I still feel so hurt sometimes, angry, sad, and abandoned. I feel like my husband just gave up, just walked away, which he did. The rejection and abandonment hurt so much. I am starting to see my future for what it is: bright and full of possibility, but I still feel just so empty sometimes. I am just grateful for a wonderful loving support system of friends and family. Most especially I am grateful for my God.

I know that God will never ever abandon me or reject me. I may reject him but he will NEVER reject me. It is wonderful to be loved by a perfect, loving, compassionate Being. That love He offers me will fill all the empty places inside of me.

temple in Tokyo

I am also grateful for my belief that families can be forever. That if we make and keep covenants with God, our familial associations can be perpetuated beyond the grave. That we can link ourselves to generations past and future and nothing save personal wickedness can sever those links. What an incredible blessing. Marriage and family cease to be til death do us part when we are married in God's temples and stay faithful to those covenants.  I love that promise!



Linking up with Jen.

Wow! The Memories!

My best friend just found the neatest thing: a livejournal that she and I shared for like two and a half years. It is full of all sorts of memories: school, achievements, boys (of course!). It is just so much fun to look at!

We kept it very much as a daily record of what was going on in our lives. It was our way of keeping up with each other. Very different from the style of this blog, which is much more of an emotional record than a record of my daily activities. I like both styles, and might begin to to blend them a little more here.

I went to the closest military base alone for the first time today. It was an extremely bittersweet first. I love being able to go places and do things on my own, but this just felt somewhat wrong. Like I should be there with my military spouse, but I'm not....I'm just using the privileges until I lose them when the divorce is finalized....Life took such a funny turn. Good thing I know God's in control.

Happy Thursday, y'all! (This is my favorite day of the week cuz I have my church institute class, and get to see all my friends!)