I am happy with parts of my life, and a little less than content with other parts, and wholly unsatisfied with others. I like my job, I love that I bought a car last Saturday. I like the friends I have made in this area and the time I get to spend with my best friends. I am ok living with my aunt, I would rather have a place of my own, but my bedroom here is pretty sweet, so that's ok... I hate being single, I hate not having someone to sleep next to, to come home to. But it is just not the right time for that. I have so so much healing and recovering to do before I am whole enough to date again, let alone court and marry someone.
And maybe part of being whole again is being a little more satisfied with single life, with being alone. Being ok being by myself, enjoying it a little even. I do sometimes, and other times I just ache to be held. It's a hard hard thing after having been married to go without it again. Is it even possible to get back to loving single life? I never missed sleeping next to someone or coming home to someone before, obviously, but I never did like being single much. Maybe I need to learn how to do that at all.
The best part of my life has always been and will remain to be having the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. My membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is my whole life. I am completed by the knowledge that I have a Savior who loves me and that He sent us a prophet at this time to guide us. I truly believe that the best way to find all around contentment in my life is to cling to my faith and trust that God has a plan.
Hope y'all can follow the rambling path of this post...
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