It's Not All About Me!

I am in a very self-centered period of my life. Young, no children, getting a divorce...sometimes I forget that I am not the only one with struggles, that not everything someone does is a reflection on me. I am convicted by this feeling over and over.

I need to get outside of myself so much more. I need to serve more, give more of myself to others. I need to do more than remember that I need to do this, more than just say I am going to serve. I need to do it.  I can begin by praying that God will show me who I can serve. By looking around me and really seeing others. This is my challenge for this week, to really see others, to see them as God sees them, and love them as He loves them.  (And I'll keep doing it after this week is over, I just need to get started)

If there is anything I can do for you, even if its just a simple prayer, let me know.

found at weheartit

I Refuse to Be Numb

Some days I feel completely numb. Nothing reaches me, and my heart feels cold.  And I hate it. And so I pray that I will feel something, everything. Pain comes first, joy will come later. 

found at weheartit

I have to feel the pain to get past it. If I just seal up my heart, nothing will get in. Not joy, not spiritual promptings, not the love of God. And so I let the pain in, and ask for God to heal me. To stand against the pain for me (Psalms 94:16-17). For He is my Healer, my Savior; with His stripes I am healed (Isaiah 53:5). As He heals the pain, He shows me what love really looks like. God is love. I feel the pain, but I feel hope, too. And know that joy is coming, just like Josh Wilson's song, Before the Morning, reminds us. 

 

So thanks to all my lovely Soli sisters and other readers who pray for me. My prayers are with you.

Vision in My Head

I am finally getting a car this weekend. It is a gift from my dad, and I spent less than $1000 getting it running. A great great blessing. I can't wait to get it and have the freedom of driving.

And right now I cannot get the image out of my head of packing up that little car full of all my stuff and driving away. Going somewhere brand new and finding myself. (Too bad it is not a hatchback, cuz I'll have to leave my little blue armchair...)

But where would I go? And with what money? And so it remains just a dream.

Accepting the Challenge to be Positive

Just when I was ready to be negative for a while, God created a little miracle. Three, count them three!, of the blogs I read regularly had posts on being positive yesterday. The first from the inspiring Gitz: life. The second from adorable Amanda: The Pollyanna Project. And the third from my dear friend, Kristin: Happy, Table for 2.

All three focused on shifting perspective. Stop focusing on the negative, on what we don't have, and look at what  we do have, what God has blessed us with, and how He sees our lives. This was a much needed paradigm shift for me. I have accepted Amanda's Pollyanna challenge: to choose positivity, to choose love, to choose to smile. I  have taken to heart Gitz's advice to open my eye's to God's perspective- the eternal one that is so much grander than this small view we have now.  I have chosen, like Kristin, to see the happy coming up, to have faith.

I am so grateful for these dear girls and how they helped me look beyond whatever unhappiness or toughness may face me currently, and reach for the hope that God so graciously holds out for me. I choose to hope in my God, who will strengthen my heart (Psalms 31:24).

Who inspires you?

found @ weheartit

As of Late March

Joining up with Critty Joy again for this monthly meme.

Lately, I have fallen away from the bloggy world a little.

Lately, I have been spending lots of time with great friends.

Lately, I have been struggling with old emotions resurfacing.

Lately, I have conquered an old temptation. Hurrah!

Lately, I have whined and in the process said too much, and now need to do some damage control.  

Lately, my car has been getting some work done, it is ready! I just need to get it legal to drive on roads!

Lately, I have loved working in the nursery at church.


A short, honest post. Enjoy!

Singing Truth

I love the hymn How Firm A Foundation. Especially the third verse that so heavily pulls from Isaiah 41:10:

Fear not I am with thee, oh be not dismayed.

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.

I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee stand. 

Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand. 

This verse helps me to remember the verse and the truth it speaks. I will not be dismayed for my God is ever with me!

Raw

It has been a crazy week, and I just haven't felt like posting.  But I'll try to now.

It's been a pretty up and down week. There have been times where I have been in a good mood- like after watching Morning Glory, a movie I definitely recommend (DISCLAIMER: this movie had a lot of bad language, so please be aware of that), or watching the little ones play in nursery at church - they are so sweet, or being with my wonderful friends who just pour their love on me.

But right now I just feel like something is pulling me into a black hole, and I'm trying to fight it. My job is hard, harder than I thought it would be. My marriage keeps sucking me back in and spitting me out again.  My heart feels so heavy and I want to be free- from what I'm really not sure.

I think I'm gonna go bury my heart in scripture, find God's tender mercies and compassion that are new everyday. (1 Ne 1:20, Lamentations 3:22-23)

Linking up with my sisters at SDG  :)