Monday, March 28, 2011

I Refuse to Be Numb

Some days I feel completely numb. Nothing reaches me, and my heart feels cold.  And I hate it. And so I pray that I will feel something, everything. Pain comes first, joy will come later. 

found at weheartit

I have to feel the pain to get past it. If I just seal up my heart, nothing will get in. Not joy, not spiritual promptings, not the love of God. And so I let the pain in, and ask for God to heal me. To stand against the pain for me (Psalms 94:16-17). For He is my Healer, my Savior; with His stripes I am healed (Isaiah 53:5). As He heals the pain, He shows me what love really looks like. God is love. I feel the pain, but I feel hope, too. And know that joy is coming, just like Josh Wilson's song, Before the Morning, reminds us. 
 
So thanks to all my lovely Soli sisters and other readers who pray for me. My prayers are with you.



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9 comments:

  1. TiffiniMarch 28, 2011 at 10:30 PM

    continuing to pray that the peace of God that passes all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus...you are so special to Him Rach...He loves you so much..He is your husbandman let Him love you completely...thinking of you.
    xo

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  2. CrittyMarch 28, 2011 at 11:02 PM

    Oh how that numbness can be so scary. Good for you for not letting it stay but fighting it.

    May you start feeling these things so that He can heal you and show you even more beauty than you thought possible.

    ((hug))

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  3. UnknownMarch 28, 2011 at 11:24 PM

    This was such a good visual, friend. A very tangible example of processing grief and pain.

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  4. CourtneyMarch 29, 2011 at 8:45 AM

    Refusing to be numb is very brave. Praying for you :)

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  5. Jenny Roan ForgeyMarch 29, 2011 at 9:33 AM

    Will say prayers for you today. Thanks for sharing. You have a tender heart.

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  6. AndreaMarch 29, 2011 at 10:08 AM

    I agree with Courtney too... it's very brave. Very not normal. Not what the world will tell you to do. Very, very brave, commendable and beautiful.

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  7. Natalie at Mommy on FireMarch 29, 2011 at 10:33 AM

    I remember the numbness so well - the just trying to get through the hour, the fear, the unemotion of it all, the sadness so intense I felt I was going to die.

    I survived my horrid divorce ten years ago and now have the man I was supposed to be married to and three beautiful children as well. He will heal you and prepare you and there will be light again, Rachel. I have absolutely walked this path and I know...Hugs to you.

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  8. Lisa SmithMarch 29, 2011 at 3:48 PM

    Praying for you sweet sister.
    The Lord is wooing me there too. To embrace the pain in its fullness so that healing can come rushing in its fullness. Because He is worthy.

    xoxo

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  9. PamelaMarch 29, 2011 at 4:31 PM

    When we look back on hard places is when we see how God held us. I can see the gold you are becoming. You will be in my prayers this week, Rachel.

    Hurting for you,
    Pamela

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