Something Good Happened

My step-grandmother's memorial service was this past Saturday. I got to know her a little better than I had known her in life. She was an incredible woman. She was kind, with a big heart, she knew how to be content, she loved being a wife and mom, she loved to read. If I am even half the woman she was, I will have succeeded in life. She is truly one of my role models. A neat thing: she took dance from Martha Graham, one of the modern dance pioneers. How awesome is that?

Something that particularly struck me was something my step-grandfather said when he was saying a few words at the family gathering before the memorial service. He was talking about how they met. "She was divorced, and I was divorced, and when we met, something good happened." That really gives me hope for my future. And I think that Grandma is glad I found that. Her whole life story just inspires me.

So much that her children shared during the service touched my heart. How my uncle started his remarks with "Life is unfair. You didn't get to have my mother as your mother" Or my step-mom talking about how much Grandma loved her son who was born with Down's, and felt that he truly brought their family together. My grandma's heart was so big, so welcoming. My step-mom shared with me that Grandma really loved that she and I shared a love of reading. After the memorial service,  I found myself sitting in her corner, reading. I thought it was very fitting.

You will be missed, Grandma, but I know you are doing a great work on the other side!

Dream Big

I believe in big dreams. Today I am fantasizing about my dream home. Right now the only room I really call mine is the bedroom at my mother's house. And I spend most of my time away from it because of my live-in job. So I feel like I don't really have a place I call home, or that I make mine anyways. SO here is my dream home...most details I might not get, but it is fun to dream!!!

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What you can't see here is my wrap around porch which may resemble something like this...

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Love the fireplace!!!!

On to the inside...a great view from the living room!

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So beautiful, right?

And this sign by the stairs!

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Come on into my kitchen next...

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Could use a bigger table, though; I want a big family.

Somewhere, this tray will have a home:

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I love the soft light of candles!

The last stop on tonight's dream tour will be the master bedroom:

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The key criteria here was cozy, and room for two, because love will find me again someday.

Do you like my beautiful dream home...but wait there's a bonus dream.

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Yep, at 23, I am dreaming of one cozy looking fort!

Thanks for sharing in my dream journey!

All pictures found on weheartit.com

Andrew Peterson - The Silence Of God

This song is achingly beautiful. I just love the line that says the aching may remain but the breaking does not. Oh how great the salvation of our Lord.

Rethink

After reading the lovely comments from my sisters of Soli Deo Gloria, I have rethought yesterday's post. I called it a false assumption that I was waiting for real life to begin. I think maybe I was being given a much needed time out. I think that the waiting time, as frustrating as it was in the moment, was a grace from God, because maybe I wasn't ready to be fully engaged. Heartbreak is all-consuming. It still consumes me sometimes.

So I don't think so much that I am shedding a layer of false assumption, as much as I am shedding a layer of protection that I no longer need. God is telling me I am ready to full engage, to feel like real life is here again.

I am still not exactly where I'd like to be, but I am in a good place. I have good friends, and wonderful family who bless me and whom I have the chance to bless in return. I have a good, if challenging, job that is affording me the ability to pay off a credit card. It is temporary, which is affording me the chance to find a more stable position. God's hand is truly visible in every aspect of my life.

 I am going to really practice the art of intentional living from here on out, living in hope and gratitude and grace.

photo credit

Stop Waiting!

I've been living with a false assumption lately (for a long time, really): that I am sitting here waiting for real life to begin. That just because I am in limbo as far as my marriage is concerned (not with my husband, not able to file for divorce yet), that life is waiting for me to be free of it (limbo). This false assumption has influenced the way I view life, making me feel like I am stuck in a holding pattern. But I have realized that this is all untrue.

Real life is right now. I  need to change my perspective, because I don't want all these moments to pass me by. I want to live intentionally, I want to realize that I am and can be doing significant things every day.  Life is always messy and imperfect, .

I have been living in one respect: I have been striving hard to keep from closing off my heart. I have been fighting off bitterness (but not succeeding at keeping the cynicism at bay).  I have been searching, reading, writing, and finding new friends in the process. Now I want to start living more all around.

So my new goal is to shed this layer of false assumptions that is keeping me from being in my own life.

(I think, though, that maybe, I did need to sit out for a little bit, and am ready now to shed this view of waiting for life to begin; maybe it was false, but maybe I needed it to protect my broken heart just a little.)

Gratitude

Some days I find myself focusing on all that I don't have, forgetting the multitude of blessings I do have. I have so much and I really want to start focusing on it.

{1}I have a Savior,
{2}I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints,
{3}I have my scriptures,
{4}I believe in a living prophet who speaks to us today,
{5}I have a wonderful family, mother, father, step-mom, brothers,sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents,
 {6}I have a wonderful ward family (congregation),
{7}I have a place to live,
{8}I have a job,
{10}I have my health,
{11} I have electricty, running water, internet, cable

This is a basic list, but all of them are huge blessings. Huge. Yes, my heart is broken, and my marriage is over, my future irrevocably changed, but as long as I have my faith, and rely on my Savior, life will go on to become something beautiful.

Josh Wilson - Before The Morning

This song is so beautiful and touches the broken pieces of my heart. I love remembering that the pain is nothing compared to the joy He's working in my future.

This song also reminds me that as long as my hope is in God, this pain I am feeling cannot swallow me; God is my strength and my salvation (Isaiah 12:2).