Found

Found...one old poem of mine that I'm going to share here. I think I must have written it in high school, probably freshman year....

heaven help us
losing ground
not without a fuss
where is my peace found

ever looking upward
feeling scared and lost
ever looking forward
sick of being tossed.

I wish I remembered the exact context, what I was feeling when I wrote this. If I had to guess, it was a mix of my parents' divorce and trying to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin.

As of Late December

I actually have a few spare moments so here I blog! I'm gonna join Critty Joy's monthly As of Late party tonight, I've missed it quite a few times.



Lately, I have been working hard...or not so hard really. I just had the "I'm sorry I haven't been giving my best, but I plan to" conversation with my boss. It's a pretty humbling conversation.

Lately, I have been called to work with the Young Women in my ward (congregation). There are eight of them, and I love them so much. We have done great service-oriented activities for Christmas.

Lately, the happy bookaholic discovered how to get library books on her Droid. Seriously dangerous, friends.

Lately, I've been hanging around with friends who inspire me to be better, because they are so good to me and others.

Lately, my church scripture class, Institute, we call it, has really been inspiring me to be true to the best within me.

Lately, I got training to do business travel :) It would only be 2 trips a year, if that, but still neat!

Lately, life is pretty good!

Merry Christmas to all! May the peace of the season be unto you and yours!

Stupid Facebook Games

I waste a lot of time on Facebook, playing silly games where you run out of energy. If I run out of energy in one game, I switch to another game where I do have energy. Eventually I run out of energy in all the games, which leaves me frustrated. I have to laugh at myself for getting frustrated, because they are just games. And what a colossal waste of my time they can be. Sometimes they help me decompress after work, but I definitely play them to excess.

I can think of much better uses of my time: reading my scriptures, reading a good book, even blogging. Because blogging at least is an excercise in writing, something I definitely want to do more of. I haven't been writing enough lately. I used to write constantly in high school. I'd write stories, write in my journal. I don't even know where my journal is right now. Sad, huh?

I got a new notebook at work today. It is a cute little notebook and I'd much rather fill it with stories then use it for work. But alas, it is a work notebook, but I did do a little creative writing on the first page. :)

I do love typing out words. Maybe every so often instead of playing too many foolish Facebook games, I will come over and write a blog post. Until next time!

Beautiful Breeze

Lying in bed sick all day gets old after a while. Hot, too. So I popped out of bed, opened the window, and sat in the chair beneath the open window. This lovely fall breeze is wafting across my shoulders and bringing in wonderful fall smells, including the woodfire someone just lit. Mmm.


I was sitting here reading a beautiful address from one of my church leaders, Forget Me Not from President Dieter F. Uctdorf ( Ensign, Nov. 2011). He makes five beautiful points:  1) Forget not to be patient with yourself, 2) Forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice, 3) Forget not to be happy now, 4) Forget not the "why" of the gospel, and 5) Forget not that the Lord loves you.


Tonight I especially needed the reminder to forget not to be patient with myself. I make the same mistake over and over again sometimes, and it wonderful to be reminded that the Lord does not expect me to be perfect right now,but that it is a process that He is helping me with.

As I was reading and feeling the soft breeze on my arms, I hear a whisper, " My love is in the wind".  My loving Heavenly Father reminded me this weekend that when I am following Him, I am home. How I crave the feeling of being home, and since the divorce I have felt often that I don't have a home, at least not one of my own making. His kind, gentle reminder that home is with Him was, and is, so marvelous.

Countdowns

In long distance relationships, countdowns are big. I remember counting down the days until I'd see my love again, sometimes starting at a number as big as 7 months. It was always so sweet to see him again after long long waits. 

Now I'm facing a very different countdown. I have been counting down to our divorce date. 6 sleeps, 5 days. It is so very bittersweet. I hate that it went this way, that it had to end. But have to end it did. He just wasted every chance I gave him, about 4 in all. A very valiant effort, as my cousin said lately. And now it's over. And I will be glad to be free to move on with my life. 

Oh, beautiful boy, how we crashed and burned. Love you, still, but you can't have my heart anymore... And sometimes, I think I'm in love only with who I thought he was...but no, I loved him, faults and all. 

Here comes goodbye, and hello to the rest of my life. 

found at weheartit

I love this image, I love the excitement on her face, the light coming from the box. The words say just what is in my heart. Yes, I have been through something horrible, but it will not make me bitter. I do believe in love and marriage; I am open to the blessings that the Lord will pour out upon me as I seek His face. I have been so abundantly blessed by the Lord as my divorce has unfolded that I just know He has something AMAZING waiting for me when the time is right. He is already blessing me with amazing opportunities and friends each and every day that passes.

My testimony that marriage is ordained by God has not been strangled by my divorce, thanks in part to a wonderful friend who asked me to look on the bright side. I know that marriage is a part of God's plan for us, that we learn things in marriage that we couldn't learn anywhere else. I also believe that those faithful men and women who do not find someone to share their lives with here on earth will be given that chance in the next life; because I believe that marriage is not just for this life, but for time and all eternity. I am so grateful to have the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in my life to teach me such beautiful doctrines. 

God is ever faithful, friends, He loves His children with an all-consuming love, and He will never leave us comfortless. All things we go through give us experience, and He will bless us as long as we ever seek Him.

September Already!!

Wow, I can't believe that summer 2011 is pretty much over. It was a pretty good summer. I settled into a job that I love, and made some great new friends. I found some new freedom, and faced some hearty challenges, too.

One more month and my divorce should be final. I am so glad it is almost over, and hate that my marriage is almost over. I hate that it ended this way, but knew it could go no other way. So I am relieved to almost be free to go on and make the rest of my life beautiful with God still and always in my corner. My hope in a better future is bright!

My goal for this fall is to establish some real financial security and to grow closer to God. I have set smaller goals to help me accomplish each.

I also need to work on my control issues and my impatience. My car troubles continue,  the glitches with my used car that I just bought keep piling up. I was crying in frustration today. I just want my car!!!! I must really need patience for something in the future, because it feels like it is being tested to its limits these days.

What are your fall goals?