Defining

I am truly inspired by how much of a community One Word 2011 has become.  Honestly, I just like linking up for the connection it gives me to other bloggers, and hey, I get more hits on my blog. I realize, though, I read through my comments, that people are now looking to me for what I have to say about hope. It’s like having an accountability partner, and I like that. I like that I am being held to the commitment to embrace this theme of hope in my life. Beause living with hope sounds like a wonderful idea. Especially if my hope is anchored in my Savior.

So I decided to look up some definitions for the word hope. I went to dictionary.com and found this:

–noun

1.the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that eventswill turn out for the best: to give up hope.

2.a particular instance of this feeling: the hope of winning.

3.grounds for this feeling in a particular instance: There is littleor no hope of his recovery.

4.a person or thing in which expectations are centered: Themedicine was her last hope.

5.something that is hoped for: Her forgiveness is my constanthope.

–verb (used with object)

6.to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.

7.to believe, desire, or trust: I hope that my work will besatisfactory.

–verb (used without object)

8.to feel that something desired may happen: We hope for anearly spring.

9.Archaic . to place trust; rely (usually fol. by in ).

I really like 4, 6, and 9. These are definitions of a more solid hope, the kind of hope I want to have. Trust in God, with a more than reasonable confidence that I can rely on Him. I have always believed that I am strong in my faith and commitment to God, but feel that really learning to center my hope in Him this year, I will draw even closer to him than before. 

US Postal Service - Creepy Clown Doll Commercial - HD

I already posted today, but I have to share this commercial. It makes me laugh every time. Oh, yeah, that's gotta go!

Something New

Something new in 2011. The challenge to share what kind of newness I have planned comes from one of my favorite inspirational blogs, (in)courage. Well, I'll be honest. I don't know what's in store for me.  I'm feeling kinda lost right now. 2010 was a rather hard year, what with the end of my marriage...well part of me still hopes my marriage is salvageable, but most of me knows it's not...Excuse the ramble. Suffice to say, I am really floundering, jobless, soon-to-be divorced, and a little purposeless.

But hey, I graduated from college last year, so that was good, a big achievement! I have a BS in Psychology, and I think one new thing I will do this year is to get certified as a psychiatric technician. That will open all sorts of new doors for me as I hunt for a job. Other new things: well I hope to have a car very soon, my first car. That will be new and exciting.

But no real focus yet. I am looking hard for focus, praying hard that God has something marvelous and new in store that I just can't see yet. I look forward to whatever newness 2011 will bring with my hope firmly centered in my Savior. Bring on the new!

Hope

A lot of bloggers are choosing one word for 2011. I have to say one word is easier and less intimidating than making several resolutions. With one word, you can apply it to all things without straining to define goals so exactly.

I have chosen the word HOPE. Hope for a better future. Hope in God's promises.  We hope all things...we hope to be able to endure all things (Article of Faith 13).  Being hopeful and looking to the future instead of being downcast about all that may have gone wrong last year.

To me, hope is not just a wishy-washy word: "Oh, I hope so" Hope is a strong word, like faith: I hope in God for a better life, a better year.

I picked this word before the New Year, I just hadn't taken the time to blog about it yet. And now as I reflect on some things that have happened in the short 7 days since the year began, it is a very apt word for me to have chosen. It fits oh so well.  Hope. Hope that things will work out for good.  Here's to a hope-filled 2011.

Hurting Again

I hate that I fall into the divorced category. I hate it so much. I feel marked, even though I know its not my fault, that it wasn't my choice. I remind myself of something one of my friends said a few weeks back, that in the end, this won't matter, it won't be what I'm remembered as, that when I'm happily married again, no one will think of me as divorced.

I was reflecting on all this, and how my divorce does not affect my self-worth when I remembered something an older relative said to me at a family reunion several years ago. He told me that I am loved, wanted, and needed. That hasn't changed. I've got to remember that, remember that I am a beloved daughter of God, whose worth is infinite. It's just a little hard sometimes.

Frustration and Focus

Some days I feel so frustrated with how stagnant my life seems. I'm a jobless bum who just sits around. I don't really have a raging social life, either (well, I did just spend a whole week with my friend...) I just feel rudderless at times. Bored, too. I don't get out enough, help others enough (ok, so I did just do some major babysitting for my friend last weekend...) I need to get some serious perspective, oh, yeah, and a JOB!

Also part of the frustration comes from the lack of ability to get my focus off of the slightly stupid idea of wanting to "come in out the cold" of single life. I just don't like being single, which might be bad... The tricky part is I'm not truly single yet; my divorce won't be final for a good while and I don't feel right dating until it is. Yet I want to date. I know I need to not focus/fixate on this.... I need to enjoy being single...whatever that means. I hate the line "Use this time to get to know yourself again" Um, I was married, not brainwashed...I am a confident 22, nearly 23, year-old woman and I know myself fairly well, maybe even better after being married. I need some advice on how to be single, I guess. HELP!

This was a just a rant post, thanks for putting up with my crazy, focus-less self

Promises

I have still have Promise me you will always remember: You are braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think  written on my mirror. At first, I just really liked the message; now it is a reminder of a promise I made to a friend last week to never  give up, never stop believing, to be strong. That promise is holding me together right now when all I want to do is throw in the towel.

 I was doing pretty well lately, but old emotions have been stirred up again, and I am just heavy-hearted. It's even more than just the significant thing that happened last week, it's stirring up memories of my marriage by seeing a box of my stuff, by reading a harmless book. I just want to heal, I also wish my marriage hadn't died, I want it back sooo bad some days. I really am doing ok, but I still hurt so bad sometimes.

I really truly feel like the promise my friend had me make is my glue until I am closer to ok again. I'm thankful for small mercies such as this one.

edit: while I do believe that the promise I'm clinging to was a grace from God, I have to remember that I should cling to God first and foremost. I was reminded of this while listening to the song Everything Falls from Fee:
When everything falls apart Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart You're the only hope for this heart.